〈 Chapter 352 〉 To Myself (3)
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Turning a disaster back into a human.
That was the answer that the great sage, Cardi van Armiel, had searched for over the centuries. But it was the one answer he could never find.
And so.
“The conclusion of turning a disaster back into a human…”
Raniel from the future uttered a single line, causing Cardi’s body to stiffen. His eyes shook violently. He had believed it was impossible.
No possibility. Impossible.
Things he had long considered.
A dream he thought he could never achieve.
After centuries of giving up and shedding regrets… Someone was saying it could be possible. Cardi swallowed hard.
It took him a long time to exhale the breath he had held. Slowly, very slowly exhaling, Cardi listened to the Goddess of Ashes.
“…I’m sorry to say, but.”
She said.
“It is possible because variables gather together.”
Originally, this was something that should have been impossible.
It was a story that could only happen on this occasion, as the variables had come together. It felt as if she were saying to Cardi, “In your case, it would be impossible.” It felt like that, but…
“So, in Cardi’s case…”
“It doesn’t matter. Keep talking.”
He didn’t care about that.
Cardi abruptly interrupted her words as she reflected on him. To him, it didn’t matter. Just the existence of a faint possibility was enough for him to be satisfied.
“Speak.”
That was enough.
2.
Raniel from the future began to speak.
The way to turn Kyle back into a human.
She had been given sufficient clues, but it was a method not possible to recall at her current point in time. Only one method could come to her mind, having endured hell for 13 years as the Goddess of Ashes.
Because she had walked through hell.
Having become a God (?) and reached the truth.
Having learned and realized so many things.
Having become a hero and understood the essence of being a hero.
That was the potential she could reach now.
While holding that possibility in her mouth, she couldn’t help but smile. How could she not? Those 13 years she had lived as a hero. She felt that those hellish years had not been in vain.
The explanation continued for a while.
By the time her story ended, Cardi was stroking his own face and smiling. He murmured with a trembling voice.
“It really existed. Truly, truly…”
Sighing, Cardi lowered his head.
He was smiling. It wasn’t a liberated smile or a mocking grin. Like a boy who had regained his dreams, Cardi smiled purely.
“Thank you, thank you Raniel…”
The Goddess of Ashes remained silent as she watched Cardi murmur. What arose in her mind was the last sight of Cardi she had encountered in her past.
「…You eliminated the Gletus?」
「You used me as bait?」
「Yes, that’s right.」
To the half-man who was bedridden, she had revealed the truth. That she had lured the Gletus using him as bait. And then she had killed him.
「No, that’s not right.」
「I’m not blaming you, Raniel.」
「This was the right choice. It was correct. The disaster must be eliminated. Didn’t I tell you? There’s no way to turn back the disaster. Since there isn’t, it must be killed.」
「What you did was the right thing. You don’t need to bow your head to me. Rather, you should be thanking me.」
A wavering gaze.
A wavering voice.
「Thank you. You did what I had to do for me. Thank you, Raniel.」
「…Can I ask just one thing?」
「What were her last words?」
The last words uttered by the Gletus.
Raniel relayed those words to Cardi. Upon hearing them, Cardi closed his mouth. He bowed his head. There would be no raising of that head again.
「…I’d like to be alone for a moment.」
The next day, and the day after that, Cardi said nothing. On the third day, Cardi committed suicide. At that moment, Raniel remembered the empty expression on Cardi’s corpse.
“Thank you, truly…”
But what about now?
He was smiling so joyfully. Watching that smile, the Goddess of Ashes murmured inwardly. It was a good thing. Truly a relief.
“…”
The Goddess of Ashes turned her head.
Her gaze was directed at her past self. Raniel was opening and closing her mouth repeatedly. Unsure of what to say, after much deliberation, she finally managed a word.
“…Thank you.”
With an expression that seemed to smile yet also cry, Raniel continued speaking.
“I can’t recall that method. Even after listening to you, I’m not sure I understand it well. But.”
“But, it is possible.”
“…Yes.”
Raniel slowly nodded her head.
As she regained her shattered mind, emotions surged, causing her shoulders to tremble.
“Really, if it weren’t for you…”
“You don’t need to say that to me.”
The Goddess of Ashes lightly tapped Raniel on the head.
She was a little taller than her past self from 13 years ago. Although her growth had stopped at some point, she was still taller.
In that sense, the past self sitting in front of her appeared like a younger sibling or like the students she had taught in class at the academy long ago.
In other words, she looked young.
Patting the head of her younger self, the Goddess of Ashes smiled nostalgically. Neither Raniel nor Cardi saw that smile… but Roel, who was watching from outside the door, did.
A bittersweet smile.
It was the smile of one who sensed their end.
“I’m soon to be you. Different from you, but… in the end, you are me. So you don’t need to thank me.”
“Still…”
“If you really want to thank me.”
Raniel lifted her head.
The Goddess of Ashes looked down at Raniel and said.
“Don’t become like me.”
She spoke, having failed.
“Don’t walk the same path as me. Don’t regret like I do. Don’t become like me. Even if you break down, even if it’s hard, don’t choose the easy and efficient path.”
“Don’t live like me.”
“Don’t walk the same path as me.”
“Don’t compromise with yourself. Don’t compromise like I did, and do what you believe is right.”
The Goddess of Ashes smiled.
“Don’t lose like me, and live like a greedy person. Hold onto this and that tightly, and don’t let go.”
Taking a short breath,
she grabbed Raniel’s arm and helped her up.
“It’s time to stand.”
Tick-tock.
The Goddess of Ashes closed her eyes.
She felt the ticking clock within her stop. The time allotted to her had come to an end. She took a short breath and let go of Raniel’s arm.
Her hand had already become very faint.
Not just her hand.
Her body was crumbling. It meant her existence was becoming vague. Knowing this would happen, she said nothing.
Wordlessly, she took a step forward.
Leaving only a handful of ash, her form scattered. With Cardi and Raniel’s eyes wide, Roel looked out the window.
“…”
Then Roel moved forward in silence.
3.
The sun was setting.
The Goddess of Ashes sat in a place far from the mansion, in the field that was tinged with the setting sun. Her legs had already disappeared, leaving her unable to stand or walk.
Her entire body was crumbling.
Watching her existence scatter into ash and float into the air, Raniel smiled bitterly. Jumping through time required a tremendous cost. Regressing was considered one of the greatest taboos.
Being a God didn’t free her from constraints. In fact, it imprisoned her even more tightly.
The annihilation of existence.
The annihilation of all strength and power.
That was the price Raniel had paid.
She had regarded the powerful ability to overturn the world with a single gesture and the life close to immortality as worthless. By giving up everything, she could return to the past.
‘And, I changed the past.’
Raniel now did not know whether the self in this place would succeed or fail. She no longer could predict the future. Still, she merely thought vaguely.
At least she would reach a future better than herself.
Just dreaming of the future she would reach allowed Raniel to smile. She didn’t even know how long it had been since she had smiled so lightly. Raniel touched her mouth and let out an awkward smile.
“…Not bad.”
She had thought it was worthless, but it held value.
Her life was not meaningless. In the end, she could create a path leading to the future. That was enough, Raniel thought.
One thing she felt regretful about.
Not being able to see the future that would be transformed with her own eyes… but well, that was something she couldn’t help.
‘The best future.’
There would be no place for her in that future.
She had committed too many sins and made too many mistakes. There was no way someone like her would be granted the right to step into a beautiful future.
“Such a pity.”
Muttering that, Raniel exhaled.
Just as she was about to close her eyes.
“You’ve always liked this field.”
A voice came from behind her.
It was an all too familiar and dearly missed voice. With wide eyes, Raniel turned around.
Snap,
she heard the sound of grass being stepped on.
“Do you like this field so much?”
“…Master.”
“Ah, you foolish disciple.”
Roel smiled bitterly.
“You should at least say goodbye to your master.”
“Ah, um…”
“I know. You don’t want to show this kind of a sight, right? That silly reason.”
Roel stopped next to Raniel.
While looking down at her, Roel gave a light whack on Raniel’s head with the staff he was holding. Seeing Raniel flinch and tremble, Roel chuckled.
“You’re still a child.”
“…Well, by age, I’m quite grown.”
“It doesn’t matter how old you are; to parents, you’ll always be their child.”
Sighing lightly, Roel exhaled.
“Trying to act like an adult.”
Raniel hung her head.
Instead of the staff, Roel placed his hand on Raniel’s head. As he stroked Raniel’s head with his wrinkled hand, he spoke.
“Were you in pain?”
It was a question without a subject or object.
But with that one line, Raniel had to swallow her breath. After Roel’s death, she had only been able to act. Her lips trembled at the longed-for touch of her master.
“No, just… roughly…”
“Your lie is obvious, you brat.”
“…Actually, a little.”
“A little?”
“A little… I had a lot of trouble.”
With her head bowed, Raniel spoke.
“There was no one to watch over me there.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes. No one… saw me, and after losing you, I had no one who knew me…”
Her words were disjointed.
That voice gradually faded. After listening to the incomprehensible words until the end, Roel didn’t give grand comfort. He simply threw a short line.
“It must have been tough.”
Something anyone could say, but.
“You did well.”
That was something no one had ever said to her.
Raniel’s head drooped even further. Looking at her disappearing body, Raniel murmured.
“Master.”
“Yes.”
“Please live long.”
“That’s a sudden blessing.”
“Just, please live long. Be careful when walking in alleys. I’d like you to stay by my side for a long while.”
“I’ll stay by your side until you disappear.”
“Not just me. The me that exists at this time.”
“I’ll try.”
A breeze blew, swaying the field.
“Is there anything you want to say last?”
“…Was I a good disciple?”
“You were a good disciple, and a foolish child. A reckless child who only made their parents worry.”
“But,” Roel said.
“Above all, you were a proud child.”
“Ah, that… thank goodness.”
Those last words scattered in the blowing wind.
A breeze wrapped around the field and ascended to the sky. When the wind stopped, only Roel remained in the field.
Roel looked up at the sky in silence.
Ash was swirling in the air.
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