〈 Chapter 351 〉 To Myself (2)
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Raniel lifted her head and looked ahead.
There stood a woman, with hair as white as if color had been drained from it and blue eyes.
“Nice to meet you, Raniel van Trias.”
She spoke.
“I am you. From the future, 13 years ahead.”
From the future, she said.
Raniel’s gaze wavered as she looked at her. What did it mean that she came from the future? Surely, the woman in front of her looked familiar. It felt like looking into a mirror…
But that couldn’t be possible, right?
As she muttered to herself, Raniel noticed the figure standing behind the woman who claimed to have come from the future. There stood Cardi with his sunken eyes.
He nodded.
“Shall we sit for now?”
The future Raniel took a step forward.
Just like visiting an old hometown, she glanced around the room with a wistful smile. She pulled a chair from the corner and sat down directly opposite Raniel.
“You look like you have a lot of questions.”
Of course, she did.
Why had the woman, who claimed to come from 13 years in the future, chosen to show herself at this time? What did she want to tell her? How, to begin with?
…One thing was clear.
So, she thought she understood why she had come at this time… but Raniel didn’t want to think any deeper. She chose silence, not wanting to face the truth.
“Alright, where should I start?”
In front of the silent Raniel, the Goddess of Ashes exhaled gently. After a brief moment of contemplation, she opened her mouth to deliver the words that Raniel would least like to hear. To thrust the truth she had been avoiding right in front of her.
“The Sword of Yeocheon, Kyle Toven.”
Raniel’s shoulders trembled slightly.
The Goddess of Ashes continued matter-of-factly.
“I killed Kyle.”
And then,
“It took me 10 years and 178 days to kill him. And my world perished. No one was left alive besides me.”
It perished.
Raniel gasped at that word. She wanted to ask what it meant, but the Goddess of Ashes plainly pressed on with the truth.
“I told you, it took 10 years and 178 days.”
“That means…”
“I was too late in catching the disaster, and what remained in the world was nothing but the land of death. A land where no crops grew. A land where no life could survive. Would it make it easier for you if I put it this way?”
The Goddess of Ashes murmured.
“80% of the world became Phantom Territory due to Kyle Toven. The remaining 20% turned to ashes during Kyle Toven’s extermination process.”
So.
“The world perished because of Kyle Toven.”
Raniel’s expression crumbled.
Facing her, the Goddess of Ashes bitterly smiled.
“That’s the future you will have to face.”
And she added one more thing.
“The future you will face if you don’t kill Kyle right away.”
2.
If she doesn’t kill Kyle, the world will perish.
Her future self said so. Raniel bit her lip tightly and lowered her head.
“…I know.”
Raniel murmured.
She already knew such things.
She knew she had to kill Kyle before he became the disaster, and that if someone could do it, it would be her and only her.
“I know without saying, that I have to kill him. I also know that I am the only one who can.”
But.
“Yet, how would I kill him? How would I kill Kyle, who risked his life to save me?”
The Goddess of Ashes interrupted Raniel’s words.
She extracted everything Raniel had been holding inside and brought it to the surface.
“…You.”
Raniel slowly raised her head.
She saw the future version of herself looking back at her.
The future version wore a tormented expression. The Goddess of Ashes, with a bitter smile, said.
“Do you think that way?”
“…………”
“I understand. I told you, I am you from 13 years in the future. I thought just like you… hesitated just like you. To be honest, even more than you.”
“…More than I?”
“My world was where Kyle failed.”
The Goddess of Ashes said.
“I was the one who put you to sleep that day. It wasn’t Kyle, it was me who cooperated with Cardi.”
Raniel’s eyes widened.
She reached out and grabbed the collar of her future self.
In an instant, anger flared up, moving Raniel’s once lethargic body. Grabbing her collar, she spoke through gritted teeth.
“Was it your doing?”
“It had to be.”
“You know I wouldn’t want this, right? You know that I wouldn’t want this because you experienced it yourself…”
“I know. That’s why I did it.”
The Goddess of Ashes said impassively.
“You’d go wild. You’d scream to let it go. You’d raise your voice to tell me to stop immediately, and if that doesn’t work, you’d beg Kyle with tears later. Then ultimately, you would even attempt to take your own life.”
She expressed it all coolly, but it all came from her own experiences. Raniel couldn’t even begin to imagine how long it had taken her to speak about it so calmly.
Poison leaked from her lips.
Words infused with a dense, unbearable toxicity poured out with a crispness that stunned.
“You can’t stop Kyle with anything. Instead, every word you say will only hinder him. It will make him waver.”
“What does that mean…”
“In my world, Kyle wavered. The current Kyle has successfully dealt a blow to the Demon Lord, but… in my world, that too was mediocre.”
Mediocre success.
Mediocre fulfillment of a contract.
“I became a fool, and Kyle became a disaster worse than what you face now.”
“That… is.”
“That is the worst. The worst situation.”
The worst situation.
“I thought it was because of me that Kyle failed. I felt like it was my fault that Kyle became a disaster and all this tragedy fell upon me.”
Once you start feeling that way…
If you start thinking that way…
“Even breathing feels tormenting. Just being alive feels like hell. Everything I see is hell. Every word, every bit of news I hear is unbearably terrifying. Everyone curses Kyle as a disaster. In reality, it was me; Kyle achieved a great feat, yet they belittle him without knowing.”
Seeing and hearing all of that felt like hell itself.
“So, I tried to claw out my eyes and tear off my ears.”
The Goddess of Ashes lifted her hair.
Her short hair shimmered. She smiled, showing Raniel her neck and ears. On them were scars left from countless self-harm.
Scars that never disappeared, even with regeneration.
“You heal quickly. You’ve experienced it too.”
Muttering like that, the Goddess of Ashes pointed to Raniel’s neck. The neck without scars yet.
“So, I put you to sleep.”
“…Even so.”
“I’m sorry. But I thought that was the only way. I tried to put you to sleep and persuade Kyle, but…”
“…You probably couldn’t persuade him.”
“Yeah, I couldn’t. He was stubbornly set in his ways.”
The Goddess of Ashes released a breath.
The breath felt hot. It had only just happened in her mind. While chasing those vivid memories, she murmured.
“…Since I failed to persuade him, I realized this was how it would end up. It would flow just like this.”
And so she thought.
“Then I need to enact my second plan.”
Cardi remained silent.
The Goddess of Ashes continued speaking.
“I must leap ten days into the future and tell my past self that ‘Kyle Toven must be killed.’ I need to explain everything I went through in my past, which will be your future, and compel them to kill Kyle, who has been completed as a disaster.”
The Goddess of Ashes looked at Raniel.
“Don’t hesitate to kill Kyle. Don’t hesitate like I did; make sure to end it decisively.”
Raniel had already released the collar she had been holding, letting her arms hang limply as she stared at the ground. Watching her, the Goddess of Ashes continued.
“I was going to say that.”
As if there was more to say.
“My thoughts have changed. The future has changed.”
The possibilities she had seen.
To say that, she opened her mouth.
3.
Raniel van Dragonik.
Having walked through hell for far too long, she was worn down and convinced that the future would not change. She thought it impossible to make a choice without regrets. The 13 years she had endured made her that way.
When she returned to the past, 13 years ago, Raniel perfectly predicted the future.
The future is unhappy.
All that awaited her was nothing but hell.
Thus, she thought she must die here. If she didn’t die… she would just walk another hell. Raniel was certain of this.
「I will resist until the end.」
But.
「Live, Kyle.」
The future she knew had changed.
What she thought was a perfect prediction of the future had shook. Now, the future was no longer visible to her. She could not tell what would happen next.
An incomplete future.
A future that had gotten derailed due to variables.
Though she could no longer foresee the future, paradoxically, Raniel saw a possibility. A path not constrained to the two she had thought, but another one. A result she could never reach in her story.
Raniel named that conclusion the best outcome.
It was a word she had never once uttered in the last 13 years. Though she had never voiced it, she had muttered it hundreds of times inside. Perhaps she had said it under the assumption that…
The best conclusion.
But now, savoring the word she could finally speak aloud, the Goddess of Ashes opened her mouth. Telling her past self about the possibilities her current self had glimpsed.
“Kyle resisted even as he was engulfed in shadows before he became a disaster. He lifted his sword and stabbed his own heart. He made a mark.”
The Goddess of Ashes pointed to her own chest.
“And Sara, in exchange for her qualifications as a saint, planted a seed in the wound Kyle made.”
An indelible scar, a seed on the verge of blooming.
“Because of that, Kyle couldn’t fully become a disaster. Unlike my past, where I became a complete vessel, a new Demon Lord, Kyle couldn’t reach perfection. He bore imperfection within him.”
This was, the Goddess of Ashes breathed briefly.
“A development that didn’t exist in my era. Events that had never occurred. So, these things are born out of my interference.”
She spoke as if she were slightly pleased by that fact.
“While the larger framework has not changed, small variables have emerged. Variables coming together create possibilities.”
The Goddess of Ashes moved her lips. The words she had never uttered in 13 years finally spilled from her mouth. She spoke them out loud.
“…The possibility of heading towards the best outcome.”
Raniel’s shoulders twitched.
Seeing her, the Goddess of Ashes asked.
“Do you understand what I mean?”
An incomplete disaster.
A seed of light planted in that heart.
Through that seed, the best conclusion was something Raniel couldn’t grasp immediately.
“Wait, …”
However, the conclusion that Cardi had longed for over the past several centuries was something he realized immediately. Looking at the breathless Cardi, the Goddess of Ashes spoke.
“It seems Cardi understands, doesn’t he?”
“Raniel, that means…”
“Yes, it’s the answer you have been seeking for hundreds of years.”
The Goddess of Ashes affirmed.
“The conclusion of turning the disaster back into a human.”
Raniel’s eyes widened.
Finally, she lifted her head. With trembling eyes, she gazed at her future self.
“That is…”
Raniel asked back in a trembling voice.
“Is that really true?”
The lightless eyes of Raniel and the illuminated eyes of the Goddess of Ashes met. Watching the trembling Raniel, the Goddess of Ashes smiled.
She couldn’t help but smile.
Because light was beginning to dwell in Raniel’s once vacant eyes. Just like the spark of light in her eyes was reflected in a mirror. As Raniel began to regain her original gaze, the Goddess of Ashes spoke.
“It’s a slim possibility. To be honest, it’s close to impossible. You would have to do something completely absurd.”
“But.”
“However, it’s not impossible.”
A possibility that is infinitely close to 0, but not 0.
So difficult though.
Difficult enough to be a path worth taking.
To guide Raniel once again down the path she had always chosen, the already divine Guide opened her mouth.
“Listen well.”
This may be my last words.
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