〈 Chapter 350 〉 To Myself (1)

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People live with regrets.

Anyone does. Since the best choice is elusive, and perfect endings don’t exist, people live their lives in regret.

I wish it had been this way.

I shouldn’t have done that.

What if things had been different?

Everyone lays out “what if” scenarios, imagining a better future, even knowing it’s all meaningless.

What if.

What if, what if, what if.

Endless assumptions.

The best future born from assumptions.

The more one chews on this near delusion, the more they fall apart. They become mired in the past, repeatedly gnawing at their mistakes. In the end, all that remains is a terrible emptiness, and I cannot pretend I don’t know this.

Knowing this, I lived that way.

Had to live that way.

Because I made a colossal mistake.

Because I lost the chance to make amends for that mistake.

Yet I had to keep living.

Because I had to endure hell. Countless reasons compelled me to survive.

Thud.

I lived with regret.

I lived a hellish life.

Thud.

There was always blood on the path I walked, and the weight of someone else’s life rested on my shoulders. It was heavy. So heavy that it was hard to bear. Yet I couldn’t stop walking.

Thud.

Thus, I walked and walked.

At the end of my walking, I became a hero. I became a Braver, shunned by people, and in the end, I became a god (?).

Thud.

Though I became a god, there was no one by my side.

Not just by my side. There was no one anywhere. My world had burned entirely, turned to ash, becoming a place where no life could exist.

Thud.

Only then did I stop.

I stopped because there was nowhere left to go. With no future, I had to look back only at the past, and seeing that past, I couldn’t help but smile.

Hell was right there.

2.

I, Kyle, failed.

A failed Kyle was supposed to meet death, but even death did not grant him rest. Kyle became a disaster, and the wish he had made to the Star was never fulfilled.

I did become a hero as Kyle wished.

But I never became a true hero.

I gained the regenerative powers of a hero, but no traits from the Star were given to me. I didn’t even gain the properties of the Star that Kyle originally possessed. Only a vast amount of starlight lingered in my body.

That Star kept me from dying.

Even though I wanted to die, I couldn’t.

No matter how much my skin was scratched or my eyes were gouged out, I healed instantly. At some point, I felt no pain anymore. In that emptiness, I became mired in the past.

I regretted and regretted.

I thought of Kyle, who died before me.

I thought of myself, who had shaken Kyle.

I recalled and recalled and regretted.

I asked myself why it happened, why I had to do that to Kyle. Many came to me, broken, but I couldn’t stand up. My time had stopped right there.

But.

Just because my time had stopped doesn’t mean the world’s time stopped as well. The world moves on. It flowed wantonly, leaving me behind.

Kyle Toven became a disaster.

That guy couldn’t be forgotten by the people.

They knew Kyle was a hero.

But they didn’t know that Kyle had wounded the Demon Lord, nor that he had ultimately become a disaster. Because they didn’t know, in the eyes of the people, Kyle was merely a traitor.

“The strongest hero has betrayed us.”

“Humanity’s hope has become humanity’s despair.”

Kalt, the Sword of Yeocheon, Kyle Toven.

So speaks the traitor of mankind.

Like how Kyle was originally called the strongest sword of humanity, the disaster that Kyle became was dreadfully powerful. When that sword turned towards mankind, no one could stop Kyle.

Countless souls fell to Kyle.

“A disaster.”

“A filthy, disgusting traitor.”

“The blemish of a hero.”

“The worst hero.”

Many cursed Kyle.

So many pointed at Kyle and condemned him as a disaster. They feared Kyle, and the more afraid they became, the more they spat at him.

Their fear only grew.

Though contracts prevented him from pushing into the Royal Capital, Kyle reigned as a calamity across countless battlefields. Unlike other disasters, he moved actively. He was seen in numerous places of battle.

Each time he swung his sword, countless humans fell. No one ever stood a chance against that sword, not even once.

Humanity retreated and retreated.

The frontlines began to lose their meaning.

Contracts trembled, and beasts crept into the Royal Capital. My mentor, who once told me it would be alright, did not return that night. Days passed without her return. It was days later that I discovered she had been brutally murdered by a monster.

My mentor was dead.

No one remained who recognized the human known as Raniel van Trias. Therefore, Raniel had to disappear from the world. What remained was merely Raniel, the Wise One.

The Wise One and The Hero.

A human who had to stand before others.

Only then did I rise. Too late, but I had to rise. I sought revenge. I resolved to take responsibility for what I hadn’t completed. I killed the encroaching beasts, trampled and burned the Demon Lord’s Army.

I forged ahead, burning everything in sight.

And then, I faced Kyle Toven.

I kept telling myself I had to kill him, I had to eradicate him. But in the final moment, I wavered. That wavering led to my defeat.

“This way.”

“Killing the Ashen is your goal, right?”

To save me, Cardi became bait.

“This pain is a rare experience.”

The bait, Cardi lost an arm, an eye, and his legs. Yet, supporting me, he somehow brought me back to the Royal Capital.

“Get a hold of yourself, Raniel.”

Cardi smiled.

“I can sacrifice my body for my junior just once, you know? Are you starting to come to your senses?”

He said with a smile.

“Raniel, don’t make the same choices I did.”

“I’m sorry to say this, but…”

“You know it too. He must die. There is no other way. I thought maybe you could find another way, but now… I don’t think so.”

There was no way to return Kyle to what he was.

Nowhere to be found.

I had only one method left.

“Kill him.”

“There’s no other way.”

… I had to move forward.

Losing and losing, I kept pushing on.

There were superheroes at my side. They were there, but they wouldn’t be able to follow me for long. One by one, those who followed me met their end. Their final moments were all terribly tragic.

Kelharlem died first.

Then Draka.

Next was Karioth.

“I’ll buy some time.”

“What? I’m good at that.”

The last to die was.

“I’ll go ahead, Senior.”

Kalt.

After Kalt died, there was no one left by my side. Yet, I had to keep moving. I continued to advance alone.

“There is no hope for humanity.”

“Everyone has died.”

“To survive, there was no other way.”

What blocked my path was not just the beasts. Before a trembling world, many humans wavered, and they became traitors.

Many familiar faces were among them.

I had to kill the students I had taught with my own hands.

I had to kill the knights I had protected with my own hands.

I had to kill the refugees I had saved with my own hands.

I killed and kept killing. There were no other answers.

And as I kept moving forward, I encountered Chloe, who had become the fifth disaster. She had lost all her comrades and even Belnoa, blocking my path. Drawing upon Galahal’s starlight, Chloe smiled.

“Why.”

“Why then.”

“Why didn’t you come when I needed you most?”

The girl needed someone to blame, and that broken girl loathed me. I killed Chloe, who dashed at me carrying Galahal’s starlight. I extracted the star from her corpse and burned the body to ash.

I gained focus.

Now I could kill Kyle.

I had to move efficiently.

I set a traitor on fire, using Cardi as bait. The traitor called out Cardi’s name in his final moments, but I burned even that voice.

I faced the Death’s Blade in the manner he hated most. I trapped him in the canyon where six towers stood, raining magic on him for days on end. Each time he tried to escape, I altered the terrain and trapped him again.

Little by little, I gnawed away at him.

For days, I confronted Ganikalt.

When his body crumbled and he dropped his sword, only then did I stand before Ganikalt. I burst his heart revealed in broken ribs. Even then, the Death’s Blade retaliated against me. I did not deflect that counter.

I summoned Kuntel and Kalt, who stole the initiative from the traitor, to face the dying Ganikalt. I lost both arms, both legs, and both eyes in the process, but these were recoverable injuries. In the end, I defeated Ganikalt as well.

Ancient Lich, Skebal.

Reverse Flow, Chloe.

Traitor, Gletus.

Death’s Blade, Ganikalt.

I had defeated four of the five disasters.

Only one remained.

To kill Kyle, now fully embodied as a disaster, I had to give everything I had left. In the end, I killed Kyle. I burned away the shadow.

After overcoming all disasters and the Demon Lord, when I looked back, the world had already become a sea of fire. Nothing was left for me. The humans who survived to the last moments were but a handful.

Among them was Destel.

Destel, who provided crucial help in subduing Kyle, spoke weakly with his dying breath.

“Why not become a god?”

He suggested to me, who had lost purpose.

“Kyle said this.”

“He viewed you like a god.”

“So why not make that your new goal? I think you could do it.”

Mumbling that, Destel smiled.

“It’s funny that I survived just to say this.”

“I’ll go ahead. Don’t follow me.”

Destel committed suicide.

The only hero remaining was me.

Becoming a god was simple. I burned the Ancient Dragon that blocked me and killed the Star that opposed me. When I became a god, the world had already turned to ash.

Goddess of Ashes.

At the end of the road, I became a god.

Looking back at my life was a hell.

“What is this.”

I lived calmly.

Erasing my emotions, I moved efficiently.

Trembling in fear, wishing to die at any moment, I endured by scratching my own body several times a day. At the end of that hell, what I faced was emptiness.

Nothing but emptiness.

In front of the void, I broke into laughter.

Reflecting on my hellish life, I regretted it. Where did it all go wrong? At what point did I break? Why did I have to walk this path?

The answer was clear.

Because it was clear, I decided to go back.

I wanted to erase hell as if it never existed. I wished for the path I walked to disappear.

Since there exists only one timeline in this world, if I can change the past, the future where I existed becomes nonexistent. I wished desperately for that to happen. To make my meaningless life cease to exist, I returned.

Because I was broken.

Because I no longer wanted to live.

Yet I didn’t want to accept such an ending.

I had chosen to return to the past, aiming for the lesser evil instead of the worst.

Returning to the place, I saw.

What I thought I had let go of, what I thought I had forgotten.

3.

“I saw it.”

I muttered in response to Cardi’s comment, which felt somewhat different. My murmured voice was light. Like my past self, I spoke with a light tone.

“I thought my life was meaningless. I thought it was worthless since I failed. I couldn’t protect anything. But, but you know.”

I smiled.

“You showed me.”

“…What?”

“Possibility.”

The possibility to change the future.

Not the conclusion that required endless reflection to accept, but the possibility of a best conclusion.

And.

“Because I returned to the past, because this hellish life existed, you showed me the possible…best conclusion.”

The possibility made possible by my life.

That Kyle guy showed me.

“I saw the path I must believe in.”

“…Believe?”

“Yes, I’m going to believe.”

I smiled faintly.

“My life must not have been completely meaningless.”

Even if I failed, there is meaning.

It became meaningful. Ultimately, it’s what one does at the end of life that determines that meaning.

“…Indeed.”

I exhaled softly.

“You kept your promise until the very end.”

Watch me. I will show you.

I will show you the possibility that can change.

I’ll show you the future you have given me. I’ll become the reason for you to rise again.

He kept every promise he made. Until the very end, he showed me the possibility. That effort could not be ignored.

“So.”

I stopped in front of the door.

Cardi stopped as well.

Before we knew it, we had entered the mansion. I looked to the side. There was a face that was both familiar and unfamiliar.

“You are…?”

The mentor, staring at me with wide eyes.

I tilted my head slightly toward my long-missed mentor. I tried to say something but ultimately remained silent.

All that remained for me was a handful of time.

There was no time to spend with my mentor.

Regrettably, I would have to be satisfied just to see her face. I nodded and turned away from my mentor’s gaze, stepping into the room. As I entered, I murmured.

“So, it’s my turn to show now.”

The possibilities Kyle showed me.

The possibilities passed on to me.

Now, it was my turn to show my past self.

Creek.

As I opened the door and stepped inside, I saw myself looking down with vacant eyes. Myself from thirteen years ago. Looking at my past self, I exhaled.

“Nice to meet you, Raniel van Trias.”

At my words, I raised my head.

The me looking up at me gasped, his eyes wide open. Laughing at that reaction, I continued speaking.

“I’m you from thirteen years into the future.”

I thought.

This was the second time.

Raising someone who had fallen apart.

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