〈 Chapter 349 〉 Regret (3)

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I must respond to their sacrifices.

I cannot let death become meaningless.

The blood that has flowed must not be allowed to just flow.

I cannot leave it all to become worthless. Meaningless and worthless deaths are tormenting.

I must take responsibility for their sacrifices.

This is the obsession that Raniel van Trias holds onto.

Raniel can never ignore someone’s sacrifice, especially if it is for her.

It is an obsession engraved in her from childhood.

The burned village.

Death that has become worthless and meaningless.

Raniel felt the torment from the things that turned to ashes.

When she looked at her parents, who had turned to ashes, what she felt was fear.

Meaningless.

Futile.

Utterly empty.

She did not want to feel that fear again.

Thus, Raniel reacted excessively sensitively to others’ sacrifices.

For her, the battlefield was akin to hell.

Countless people die.

Simply for her sake.

It is up to her to decide whether their deaths are meaningless or become the foundation for the future.

That sense of responsibility weighed heavily on Raniel’s shoulders.

Because she could not turn away, Raniel could not rest.

She lived like that for many years.

While living.

At the end of her path, Raniel looked back.

Looking back, it was a truly tormenting life.

Only when death was imminent did Raniel realize her life had felt like hell.

Her life was not enjoyable, even in empty words. Instead of joy, it was hellish. Why did I go that far?

Living such a harsh life, now I am going harshly.

Smiling like that, Raniel thought she should leave no regrets in this tormenting life. Having already regretted so much, she did not want to burden anyone even in her final moments.

To apologize to that guy who had spoken harshly.

To say, “Don’t worry about my death, do what you want.” And maybe to get an apology back, asking if there was nothing to say to me.

She tried to reconcile.

When death was imminent, that was the last wish Raniel nurtured. It was not a grand wish. A small dream. Too small for a human once called the Wise One.

‘I want to reconcile with that friend I fought with.’

To someone looking in, it might be laughable.

The last wish of the great Ashen Mage, who takes down calamities with her bare hands, is merely wanting to reconcile with a hometown friend with whom she had fought—Raniel, a joke that can’t be laughed at.

Yet, Raniel wished for it.

The world answered her small wish. And in the worst way possible. The world thrust the truth upon her. The tragedy she had to face.

“Kyle Toven is dead.”

Kyle sacrificed himself to save you.

You drank Kyle’s blood and survived.

The weight of the life you must carry has increased.

【Calamity, Kyle Toven.】

The stars also spoke to her.

【Slay the born calamity.】

Kill the hometown friend who sacrificed for you.

Behold the burden you carry.

Face the life you must take responsibility for.

“I, I…”

Having lost her opportunity, Raniel collapsed.

“I didn’t wish for this.”

The chains she thought were a bit looser.

Her obsession that she held.

It heavily pressed down on Raniel’s faltering shoulders. Unlike in the past when she could bear that weight, now Raniel could not endure it. Ultimately, kneeling and unable to rise again.

“It wasn’t so.”

Raniel let out a laugh.

The laughter that spilled out was dry.

2.

She did not talk with Rosel.

Nor with Cardi.

Silently, Raniel returned to her room. No one stopped her as she stumbled along.

“······.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Raniel blankly stared at her hands. Her hands glimmering with starlight. She scratched her wrist, but it quickly healed.

The blessing of the stars.

The blessing held by the Hero.

The source of the physical abilities surpassing humans and the monstrous recovery that heroes possess. Once, it was something Raniel desired.

「I envy you, damn it.」

「If only I had a blessing like you, I wouldn’t suffer like this. Look at my arm hanging. It hurts like hell.」

Memories of complaining to Kyle surfaced.

Though it was said in jest, now it felt utterly different. It felt horrific as if what she had said had come true.

…Thinking back, isn’t all of this what I wished for?

「If I only had starlight, I wouldn’t have to go through all this.」

「Yeah, honestly, I do envy it.」

She was given the starlight she had spoken of.

「Get up.」

「Grab the sword.」

「Get up, you bastard.」

Just as she wished, Kyle stood up.

As she wished, Kyle grabbed the sword.

「If you don’t do it, who will?」

「You have to. Don’t you know that if you give up here, it’ll mean nothing? You know, right? Damn it.」

「So get up.」

「Hold the sword and do what you must.」

「Fulfill your duty as a hero.」

Just as she wished, Kyle fulfilled his duty as a hero. So perfectly, that she was left with no words to say.

「You said to take down the Demon Lord.」

「You said to take down the Demon Lord, remember?」

「You said to achieve an achievement that no one could disregard. You said to be acknowledged by all. You said to take revenge on the villagers. Was all of that a lie?」

Raniel shifted her gaze wordlessly.

She looked at the necklace placed on the shelf.

The necklace salvaged from her hometown, now reduced to ashes.

In front of that necklace, the promise Kyle had mumbled, and her own image as she grabbed his collar while mentioning that promise flitted through her mind.

「You’re the one who brought me here while saying that.」

「If you made a promise, you should keep it.」

Kyle kept that promise too.

He slew the Demon Lord and fulfilled his duty as a hero.

He achieved a feat that all would praise.

“Ah, ha.”

Raniel let out a hollow laugh.

Didn’t all of this come true as she had spoken? Wasn’t this what she wished for? She wished to live, and that came true too.

It all came to fruition.

Didn’t she hope for this? The past self whispered to her. She knew well that those who pursued ideals ended up miserable in the end. She must have felt it keenly in Galahal’s final moments.

“······.”

Raniel fell silent.

With vacant eyes, she only stared at her drooping arms. There was no strength in her body. She should be looking ahead and moving forward, but Raniel only looked back at the past.

「You owe a debt to him.」

「Someday you must apologize to him.」

Did she repay that debt in any way?

Is this your way of apologizing to me?

Did you really think I wished for this?

There were many things she wanted to say, but there was no one to listen. Raniel bit her lip, her lips quivering.

「I’ll see you again next time.」

「By then, I think I might be able to apologize to you.」

“Say you’re sorry.”

Raniel mumbled.

Kyle repaid his debt on his own accord.

He became a hero on his own and fulfilled the wish Raniel had desired. He achieved it by sacrificing his own life.

‘In a place where I’m not…’

Raniel had always said that.

I’ll lead the way, so at the very least follow me. She always said that while looking back. But now, what of that? When she looks back, no one is there.

Even Galahal, who walked beside her.

Even Kyle, who stood behind her.

Now they have all moved ahead of her. But looking back, she cannot find them. Their figures are nowhere to be seen.

She was alone.

Completely alone.

‘…I must move.’

Raniel looked at her empty eyes and her legs. Now she can stand on the ground with both feet. She has gained the strength to do so. When she was lying down, hadn’t she wished so desperately to stand?

Now that she could stand, shouldn’t she get up and do something?

Yet, Raniel could not rise.

She knows there are many things she must do.

She understood well the heavy responsibilities that lay ahead. She knew what the first stitch should be. Raniel opened her mouth, her voice trembling as she spoke.

“I must kill.”

I must kill Kyle Toven.

“…Before he is called a calamity, before he has done anything. I must kill him now.”

But how, and who will?

“I will.”

It’s me, who received the stars.

“I must kill Kyle.”

I must kill him.

The moment she declared what she must do, Raniel’s expression crumbled. Her shoulders trembled softly. The sound of her breath was choked and forced out.

I can’t do it.

Raniel murmured.

I can’t do it.

3.

Days passed.

Cardi lit a cigarette with hollow eyes. It had been hundreds of years since he last lit one. As he burned the cigarette, old memories surfaced.

“Could you please open the window? Seriously, are all magicians like this? The air is stale!”

The cocky girl who came to find him.

The girl just beginning to learn holy arts and spells came over to Cardi’s tower and often caused a ruckus.

“Stop blowing that. It’s suffocating.”

“It’s my choice. You’re the one who barged in here in the first place.”

“Either way, stop it.”

He recalled the girl who had extinguished the lit cigarette with divine magic while giggling. At the time, he must have been so perplexed that he slapped her forehead.

‘…The ruckus made managed to get it next.’

In the end, the girl got her wish and the cigarette was snuffed out, but a few years later, as she became an adult, the girl had said this to Cardi.

“You know, the Cardi who smokes cigarettes has its own decadence. Do you want to light it again? I’d love to see that hollow-eyed look once more.”

“······.”

“What’s with that look? Why are you glaring at me like that?”

“I’m just incredulous.”

Incredible, so much so that he decided not to smoke out of spite.

Looking back, that too was a memory.

A cigarette he had stopped burning and never touched again. Even after losing Gleria, every time he saw a cigarette, he would murmur for her not to smoke, and Cardi eventually refrained from it.

However, hundreds of years have passed now.

Cardi finally took up a cigarette again. Exhaling smoke with hollow eyes, he muttered.

“That’s just damn annoying.”

Indeed, it is damn annoying.

As Raniel from the future had said, the current Raniel had fallen apart. More seriously than Cardi had imagined.

Like a doll with its strings cut, she was only slumped against the wall. Looking down at the floor with hollow eyes, Cardi saw his past reflected in her.

The self who had lost everything and let it all go.

Cardi faced the self he had gotten rid of through Raniel. He couldn’t help but let out a sigh. Every time he swallowed, his lungs burned. He had no idea what words to say to her.

Because he, too, had not completely let go.

Cardi knew, having gone through it himself.

There was only one person who could help lift Raniel from such a state. And it wasn’t Cardi. It was Raniel herself. Only the conclusion she reached on her own could raise her up.

‘Only she herself…’

Muttering inwardly, Cardi narrowed his eyes. He listened carefully. Someone was approaching this dilapidated shop.

“…No, it seems there is more than one person.”

Yourself.

There is one more being who can be called that by Raniel in this age. As time passed, ten days slipped by since then.

It was time for the promised meeting.

Someone knocked on the door, and Cardi opened it.

“Did you come?”

Cardi smiled wryly.

“Raniel.”

“I can tell from just your eyes that something has happened.”

The future Raniel also bore a similar expression to Cardi. She faced him with an even more misty appearance.

“Looks like you’ve changed a bit too.”

But Cardi saw it.

The faint radiance shimmering in Raniel’s eyes.

“Yeah.”

Raniel smiled.

“Maybe, there’s an answer to be found.”

She smiled like the Raniel he once knew.

The expression he could no longer find in the current Raniel was worn by the Raniel from the future.

“So guide me.”

The Goddess of Ashes said.

“I think I need to go grab my collar.”

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