“You look deep in thought.”
“Well, I can’t help it. The person sitting in the coachman’s seat has such a fierce gaze.”
“It seems you care a lot for the Saintess.”
Nodding at Adele’s words, I felt Adrian’s eyes boring into me from the front.
In many ways, I couldn’t help but feel the pressure.
It’s just about choosing a seat in the carriage, but thinking about how the women here perceive me…
I realized it was a much more important matter than I expected.
So it was tough. Adele sitting next to me probably wasn’t thinking much about it, but in this life, I hadn’t struggled like this often.
I felt like I had lived longer than most.
I’ve accumulated more experience than your average wise person, and the wisdom accrued over time is nothing to sneeze at.
Yet, I never expected to be troubled by such issues.
I have to push it away, yet I have to fend it off. I wonder if I can really do that.
Even though I don’t want to appear indecisive, each one of them is precious to me.
Perhaps disappearing might be the best solution.
If everything goes smoothly and wraps up nicely, maybe I’ll just take off on a journey without telling anyone.
I was a bit curious about how others would react.
I feel like Adele would chase after me no matter what, but surely she wouldn’t come by boat.
Anyway, I decided to stop thinking about this situation.
The more I delve deeply, the more complicated it gets, but I’m the only one getting tangled.
It’s a relationship that needs sorting out someday, and while it’s precariously balanced at the moment…
Now isn’t the time for that sorting.
No one has directly expressed affection for me, and it wasn’t my fault that a fight broke out over me.
Miragen seemed to be glad she wasn’t sitting with me.
Whenever our eyes met, she would avert her gaze with a strange expression. Maybe she felt embarrassed about what happened earlier.
It’s still an awkward relationship. Just like with Adrian and Adele, but especially with Miragen.
We hadn’t spent long together, and when we did meet, the moments were often short but intense.
From her perspective, she might not understand why I’m being so devoted.
I hope when Miragen recalls the memories later, she won’t blame herself for my death.
That was just something that happened once.
It was an accident, something unavoidable.
During that time, I kind of wished for Miragen’s death, didn’t I?
The more my surrounding people recall memories from the previous life, the more complicated my feelings get.
I think about how I hope they won’t be sad seeing me die, but I’m also scared they might look at me with different feelings from now.
“…I was supposed to be in that seat originally.”
I chuckle at Adrian’s murmur—so soft that only I could hear.
In other words, I wanted to continue living while hearing remarks like that.
I don’t expect sympathy or pity just because I’ve died a few times.
When I have these thoughts, Adele has been a great help.
At least, she’s the only one who can assist me at this moment.
Lost in thought as I gazed out the window, I felt Adele tap my shoulder with her fingers.
“Thinking too much is a no-go. Especially for you, you tend to think in a negative way.”
“Then I feel like I should at least say something. Will you be my conversation partner?”
“I can lend you my shoulder. Not thinking about sleeping, are you?”
Sleep, huh? Honestly, I was a bit tired from worrying about Miragen.
Adrian and Miragen had already fallen asleep, leaning against each other, so I rubbed my eyes and looked at Adele.
Adele smirked at my gaze, then brushed her hair to the side and shrugged her shoulder.
“You can just sleep.”
“No, you can’t just sleep.”
Adele grabbed my head and buried my face into her shoulder.
As I struggled to breathe for a moment, she chuckled softly and relaxed her grip.
I felt like I wouldn’t be able to sleep this way. But maybe my body was a bit more tired than I thought.
I stole a glance at Adele with my slowly closing vision.
She was looking down at me with a faint smile on her lips, and I could finally drift off to sleep, feeling a little more at ease.
It felt like I had fallen asleep like this before.
Now, in the old memories that Adele would also remember.
“…It’s the same.”
I muttered while watching Robert asleep against her shoulder.
I didn’t really need to act this way, but recently, old memories had been bubbling up more and more, and there was a time when it was like this.
Long ago, when the winter campaign against the Immigrant Tribe had already ended but was still ongoing in my memories.
In the cave we entered while fleeing from the Immigrant Tribe, we had relied on each other’s body heat.
We had thrown off our blood-soaked clothes, wrapped ourselves in our cloaks, leaving only our underwear.
When all of that vividly came back to me, it was a bit shocking, but the lingering emotions from that time gave Adele a strange feeling.
Robert leaned against the rough cave wall, asleep on her shoulder.
And she simply looked at him.
Even though his hair was messy and stained with blood, it didn’t feel bad at all.
Rather, she just wished that time could stretch on a little longer.
Curious about why she felt that way back then, she found it to be an unexpectedly pleasant experience.
It made her think how well others seemed to sleep on someone else’s shoulder.
If it were her, she probably wouldn’t have been able to sleep easily, always wary of others.
Was it because he trusted her, or was he just someone who easily believed in others?
Normally, based on Robert’s actions, it would lean towards the former, but Adele found it hard to accurately gauge Robert’s feelings.
At first, his eyes were completely vacant.
Showing no emotion at all, he looked like someone who might leave at any moment, making her want to hold onto him.
These days, he displayed quite emotional expressions, but the sudden changes made it impossible to know what he was truly thinking.
Sometimes he smiled softly, looking genuinely happy.
Other times, he wore a sad expression as if he had lost everything.
Robert’s face wasn’t one that changed much with emotions.
It was always just a slight smile or a small furrow of his brow, and that was all.
But the eyes couldn’t betray a lie.
‘There must be other memories.’
She didn’t think there would only be memories of her. There were likely moments spent with that Saint, and perhaps a deep bond with the Princess as well.
But right now, he was beside her. It didn’t seem like anyone else was recalling memories.
She was concerned.
The fact that there were things she didn’t know, and that she couldn’t pry secrets from Robert.
Unlike anyone else, she found herself strangely weaker around Robert.
Maybe it was because of the memories she once harbored, but still.
She couldn’t treat Robert the same way she did with Lothos or Bunta.
Sure, she could swing a sword around and threaten him arbitrarily, and could have used her position as Grand Duke to make him talk.
She just didn’t want to do it.
Lothos said her attitude towards Robert was unusual.
That’s why he spread that ridiculous rumor about a beloved.
When she first heard it, she thought she’d have to bury Lothos in sunlight, but on second thought, it didn’t feel so bad.
Now it was just a baseless rumor, but as her memories returned, her thoughts changed.
In her memories, she didn’t she think to propose to Robert.
Of course, that was different from her current feelings. Perhaps that’s why she felt confused.
She didn’t want to be swayed by her past, a past she didn’t even know existed.
Robert, leaning against her shoulder, showed no signs of moving.
Was he soundly asleep? Even with the carriage swaying slightly, the soft breaths continued.
She stared at him intently.
Long eyelashes, particularly pale skin. The eyes that had looked at her, the lips that had just been chatting away.
As the gap between their faces gradually closed.
“What are you doing?”
Adele’s brow furrowed as she quietly gazed at Robert’s face.
Her concentration broke. In the moment of conflicting emotions, Adele ultimately regained her composure and lifted her head.
Robert still leaned against her shoulder, while Miragen quietly regarded Adele.
She couldn’t tell what had happened during the brief moment Robert had dozed off.
It certainly felt like Robert and the Grand Duke had been quite a distance apart; when had they gotten so close?
She found herself looking at Robert, who was sleeping against her shoulder, when she was almost certain she had been leaning toward his face just moments ago.
What was she planning to do to a sleeping person? Seeing Miragen’s narrowed eyes, Adele spoke up.
“I was just watching for a moment.”
“It didn’t seem like you were just watching. I don’t know why Duke Taylor is sleeping like that, but were you really close enough to stare at a sleeping person’s face?”
“Yes.”
To Adele, that was a perfectly reasonable explanation.
Though they weren’t bonded by friendship or any other title, she was the only one who knew Robert’s memories.
So what else would be needed but to say they were close?
Robert knew, and she remembered. At least in this carriage, there was no one closer to Robert than her.
There will be no close relationships.
Miragen was taken aback by that confident answer, but then calmly pulled herself together.
There was no reason to be angry. She was just slightly surprised to see Adele and Robert together.
However, another question arose: what was the basis for confidently claiming they were close?
She knew Robert was Adele’s lieutenant, but the way they interacted back then in the North didn’t quite fit the description of being close.
“…Is there something I don’t know? It seems like your relationship has gotten closer than before.”
“There have been a few things.”
When Adele let out a soft laugh, Miragen glanced at the still-sleeping Adrian.
There was still a lot she didn’t know about Robert.
While it was shocking that he had become close with Adrian without her knowing, she never thought there would be something between him and the Grand Duke.
“Well, he was called my beloved.”
At that moment, Miragen froze at the words that reached her ears.
Beloved—if what she heard was not mistaken, it was clear what that implied.
She didn’t think it was a joke… really?
It was hard to believe, and Miragen’s eyes, which had been maintaining composure, began to shake.
Seeing her like that, Adele snorted a laugh.
Whether it was Princess or Saint, it was clear what was happening when one trembled at such words.
It was likely different from her own situation.
Knowing her past, she couldn’t be like the confused self she had between the past and present.
Of course, even if their feelings for Robert were genuine, and even if her own feelings were still confused, Adele had no intention of easily letting Robert go.
After all, hadn’t she been the one who showed interest first?
She had met him first and had asked him to come to the North first.
Though their first meeting wasn’t exactly smooth, it was certain that Adele had feelings for Robert that went beyond mere interest.
She wouldn’t let go of him. Although she didn’t consider Robert a mere object, she still thought of him as hers.
There was a saying in the North.
If you want something, first grab it.
Although she couldn’t say she had completely grasped Robert entirely, who knows?
What would happen in the future was uncertain.
If this feeling turned out to be the same as that woman’s, then she would simply take Robert in another way.
Whatever that method might be, it wasn’t something Adele had to deeply contemplate.
She had always lived that way. If she wanted something, she would have it, and if she needed it, she would take it by whatever means necessary.
That was Adele’s way, and soon, it became the way of the North.
“I hope we arrive soon.”
Adele said, looking at the confused Miragen. Even if she didn’t interfere with her, it was better if potential rivals disappeared quickly.
As Adele headed toward her destination, she looked out the window.
There weren’t many thoughts swirling in her head.
Half of it was about Robert, who was still leaning on her shoulder and sleeping, and the other half was a bit about the two women sitting in front of her.
And the rest was considering the name of the relic they were going to meet.
The name “Crown of Memories” buzzed in her mind, a name she had heard vaguely since coming to the South.
